2022.01.22 15:00 TryingToGetBetter222 I preach love and acceptance, but I'm (32m) overweight, prone to isolation, and feel like every decision I make is life or death all while hating myself for not being good enough. Help me find anything I'm missing? I wish I could just love myself. I need help.
Let's start here. From sitting with my thoughts for all these years, I believe a large part of my problem is that I believe my life's purpose is to help others find happiness, safety, and comfort. I will gladly go out of my way to make sure that a friend or family member's needs are met or so they feel supported. All the people I know closely, I'm a warm, open-hearted, intellectual friend that brings value to their lives. I know this because more than 5 of them have told me in those exact words.
The part that bothers me is that I don't feel any of those things towards myself. I consistently don't pursue things I would enjoy or improvements to my life because I feel like they are wasted on me. My time is better spent making sure another person has their needs/wants met. The only thing I really allow myself to enjoy are things that are bad for me; over eating, marijuana, and isolation.
A rundown of my history: From the time I was 3-10, I was the golden child. I didn't ask for much but honestly I never felt like I did anything wrong. I grew up very poor and they only traumatizing moment from 3-10 I can remember is that one time I had saved $5. I woke up and they $5 was gone. I went to my Mom and asked "Where did my money go?" and she screamed, "We needed it for milk! I'm so SORRY we had to use it. Let it go. It was 5 damn dollars." Other than that I only remember being bribed with extra video game time if we didn't have to go to a play I was in or if I stayed from from a school event.
At 11, my life changed drastically. Drug issues began running rampant in my family. I noticed everyone had some sort of substance they were taking. My Dad was an alcoholic. My mom was taking painkillers. My cousins and uncles were all getting together to take oxycontin by the handfulls and I remember my times sneaking into adult conversations as a kid went from learning about funny stories to hearing them talking about how they were going to get the days drugs. Later that year we were kicked out because my mom got in a fight with her mother, and we became homeless.
We finally found a house in the middle of nowhere. I moved schools, lost all my friends and then around 13-14 my family members started dying off. Grandmothers from cancer...then the same year my cousin commited suicide in prison after being caught stealing to buy more pills.
The part that bothers me the most about all that is how I went invisible. My mom was so dramatic and overwhelmed that her grieving cancelled out any space for my own. I became silent and everyone just kept saying, "Youre such a good kid. Keep it up because you are going to be taking care of us one day." They mother now says they said that as a compliment but it felt like they were giving me a purpose. So the day of my mom's mother's funeral came...I was 13 and none of the men in the family showed up. So my Dad asked me if I would help carry the casket. It was me my dad and 2 strangers.
After that my teenage years took a similar pace, my dad began to travel for work and I was home taking care of mom and going to school. At this point I'm 16 and shes incapable of taking care of herself. I learn later is because she was taking upwards of 6 oxycodon and 10 Xanax a day. She starts having seizures and talking out of her head when her medicine wears off...so besides school I couldn't leave her. I would even have to leave school halfway through by skipping out to come home to help her because she would call me in class hallucinating. I became the man of the house. Luckily dad stopped drinking and he became a whole different person. He would be gone for 3 months and come back for a week or so. It was rough.
I've had relationships and I always leave them as soon as they start to become too commited or I feel like it could have gone to marriage. I think it's because I understand that in a relationship I spend all my power making sure my partners needs are met and it leaves me feeling like mine aren't, but I don't even know what me needs are. My most current ex was lovely to me sometimes and always wanted to be with me. I helped her through her masters program, and I helped her sort out her mental health. We ended up breaking up for the second them when I was becoming suicidal and couldn't handle my schoolwork and my mental health while being in a relationship. I miss her so much though but I'm fairly certain its because she was a person I could focus on besides myself.
Problem: I don't know how to focus on myself. I don't know what my needs are. If i'm not helping someone, i feel like I do not have value. I'm happy to report that since my break up, I have stopped smoking weed. I was up to an Ounce a week. I've been clean for 4 months, and I'm in the process of getting a well paying job. I need help learning to take care of myself and seeing value in me.
Any ideas?? I just want to feel worth the trouble.
Ill answer any questions in the comments.
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2022.01.22 15:00 zokavic AdBlocker Premium ( 1 Year Free)
2022.01.22 15:00 jhofferman1 Double lot, vacant portion not incorporated into appraisal
Home sale, approx. 1 1/2 years ago. OP=Seller. Buyers=FHA Mortgage
Appraisal comes in below purchase price by 15k. Property is double lot, home on lot A, lot B unimproved but conforms to residential zoning for single family home (5-10,000 sq. ft). Total both lots 18,000 SQ ft., each lot approx 9k. LOT B NOT APPRAISED/INCORPORATED into appraisal report. Report describes lot A only, plot diagram shows lot A only, but report title purports to appraise sale property, i.e., lots A & B together . Seller appeals. Appraiser denies upward adjustment, says error harmless bc vacant land is not "appraised" for purposes of mortgage appraisal. Result is house on 18k sqft of land valued same as house on 9k sqft. land, a/k/a Lot A.
Was able to salvage transaction wo taking much of a haircut, but the situation really bugs me. Was appraiser representation accurate in context? I can understand a policy precluding appraisals of vacant land standing alone, but can't understand how same could be excluded from mortgage valuation appraisal. Thoughts from industry folks?
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2022.01.22 15:00 fat_pikachu0 Trying to draw nmm (non-metalic-metal) so I can improve on my shading and lightening skills so I drew my great helm that I got for my 14th birthday, Any thoughts?
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2022.01.22 15:00 erin214 Any truth behind it?
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2022.01.22 15:00 spillthebeans25 Pulled breast pump out of retirement for baby #2 and found a bit of mold. It’s tricky to get into the narrow space to scrub. What to do?
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2022.01.22 15:00 medicinemadison Kevin Easterly buys Tucson seniors complex, raises rents by 50%, AND EVICTS THE ELDERLY
"Self-styled wealth guru Kevin Easterly of San Diego would be breaking the law in his home state if he bought an apartment building and imposed a huge rent hike on tenants.
But it's perfectly legal in Tucson, where he and his partners have been playing a sort of real-life Monopoly game: buying and repainting aging apartment buildings, and raising rents 50% or more to boost the property's value and refinance for more than they paid, public records and Easterly's social media posts show."
Quotes from Article: https://tucson.com/news/local/california-investor-buys-tucson-seniors-complex-raises-rents-by-50/article_df3f34de-61ce-11ec-8e7e-9b0949b2ba69.html
The property: Lind Commons Apartments 3493 E Lind Rd #111, Tucson, AZ 85716
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2022.01.22 15:00 Lissimpli_diocane_56 🐌
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2022.01.22 15:00 c051415 Is £5600 too much for this car? It's 2013, has been regularly serviced, no faults in MOTs but high mileage
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2022.01.22 15:00 DashingAviation Havaryk
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2022.01.22 15:00 SawTheCatsBox Just started playing Bushido and encountered shiny cutiefly. I have no pokeballs left. I hate my life
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2022.01.22 15:00 forsbergisgod PSE&G Electric Vehicle Charging Program
2022.01.22 15:00 JCraig96 Now they all gone bully you
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2022.01.22 15:00 Next-Rock4183 Just turned 30, here's a list of child-stars who apparently have their own kids now. Like, seriously, Freddie from iCarly is a dad?
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2022.01.22 15:00 RampantRobot How do y’all deal with loneliness
I recently transferred colleges and I’m having serious issues with how lonely I am and I’m having a hard time coping so what would y’all suggest to either cope or meet other gay people in the area
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2022.01.22 15:00 Sputnik4T INE anuncia fechas y bases para la participación desde el extranjero en la revocación de mandato
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2022.01.22 15:00 wosos 928
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2022.01.22 15:00 Tau_seti A book for my FIL's 80th (on survival, ex-pilot, church volunteer, lives in RI)
Ok my FIL's 80th is coming up. So is my MIL's 80th. I got her a book on how to survive attacks by garden gnomes (don't ask, it's a long backstory). So I got to thinking, it'd be best to get a similar book for him. They don't want anything and survival is on their minds. They always like gag gifts (to a degree). So let's see...
He lives in Rhode Island, he was a commercial pilot (he never wants to fly again), he volunteers cleaning and doing accounting and other stuff for his church plus in a hospital. He's also a Patriots fan. Anything coming to mind?
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2022.01.22 15:00 blueferdy What Happened to ItsAlyssa? (Update)
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2022.01.22 15:00 jrladia AMA: We are the members of Palindrome, the writing team for the 2022 MIT Mystery Hunt. Ask Us Anything!
Thanks to everyone who participated in the 2022 MIT Mystery Hunt!
You can see puzzles and solutions at bookspace.world. We plan to relocate the content of this site to the official Hunt archive eventually. A variety of our team members will be answering questions today. Ask us anything about this year's hunt, puzzles in general, life, or whatever! There will likely be spoilers in this thread, so please be aware of that if you're postsolving the Hunt.
We'll start answering around 3PM Eastern, but feel free to start asking now.
— We'd also like to announce that the official on-demand art store for the Hunt is open now for a limited time at MITMH2022.redbubble.com! The store will be open until February 12, 2022, and all proceeds go to MIT Puzzle Club. Please note that all orders from this store will be directly handled by Redbubble. (If you're looking for something specific, please look at the Categories available in the store.)
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2022.01.22 15:00 jclinares [Event Discussion] [Spoilers] X Games Snowboarding, Jan. 22, 2022
Trying out scheduled posts for events. Please bear with us, if there's any issues.
On Jan. 22, we have the following events:
12:00 MST - Men's Snowboard Slopestyle (Watch on ABC)
13:45 MST - Women's Snowboard Big Air (Watch on ABC)
17:00 MST - Women's Snowboard SuperPipe (Streamed on YouTube)
20:00 MST - Men's Snowboard Big Air (Watch on ESPN)
Replays of the events will be available on the X Games YouTube channel, after the fact (we hope).
Please use this thread to preview and discuss the events. Spoilers are allowed.
We ask you to refrain from posting spoilers to these events outside of this thread. If you wish to do so, please use Reddit's Spoiler Tag function to hide your spoiler. Comments with open spoilers can be reported, and are subject to removal. submitted by jclinares to snowboarding [link] [comments]
2022.01.22 15:00 Sputnik4T Juez ordena a FGR iniciar investigación contra Hugo López-Gatell
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2022.01.22 15:00 CptTaffy My girlfriends Norwegen forest
2022.01.22 15:00 phontacid playboi carti x icytwat type beat "Forever P" [prod iceclimb3r]
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2022.01.22 15:00 Boner_Champ21 RPG with a class similar to the Shaman from WoW?
Played a lot of RPGs through the years, but I've never encountered one with a class/playstyle like the Shaman in WoW.
For those that aren't familiar, there are 3 specializations for the Shaman class, but the central theme is control of the elements, but more melee/tankier than a mage (wears armor, uses weapons/shield). One specialization is a healer that uses water based spells and a one handed weapon/shield. Another is a ranged damage specialization that casts lightening, fire, rock/earth spells to do damage (also has weapon/shield). And the final specialization is one that is a dual-wield melee build that uses the elements to buff his/her weapons/armor. Totems, which are AoE buffs that you place down, are also a big part of the class.
Some RPGs I've played:
Skyrim and Oblivion
Pillars of Eternity 2
Let me know if I may have missed anything in the games above, or if there are others out there I should check out. PC only. Thanks!
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